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Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington,

Don't put your daughter on the stage,

The profession is overcrowded

And the struggle's pretty tough

And admitting the fact

She's burning to act,

That isn't quite enough.

She has nice hands, to give the wretched girl her due,

But don't you think her bust is too

Developed for her age?

I repeat

Mrs. Worthington,

Sweet

Mrs. Worthington,

Don't put your daughter on the stage.





Regarding yours, dear Mrs. Worthington

Of Wednesday, the 23rd.

Although your baby may be keen on a stage career

How can I make it clear that this is not a good idea

For her to hope and appear, Mrs. Worthington

Is on the face of it absurd

Her personality is not in reality quite big enough, inviting enough

For this particular sphere





Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington,

Don't put your daughter on the stage,

She's a bit of an ugly duckling

You must honestly confess,

And the width of her seat

Would surely defeat

Her chances of success,

It's a loud voice, and though it's not exactly flat,

She'll need a little more than that

To earn a living wage.

On my knees,

Mrs. Worthington,

Please

Mrs. Worthington,

Don't put your daughter on the stage.





Don't put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington,

Don't put your daughter on the stage,

Though they said at the school of acting

She was lovely as Peer Gynt,

I'm afraid on the whole

An ingenue role

Would emphasize her squint,

She's a big girl, and though her teeth are fairly good

She's not the type I ever would

Be eager to engage,

No more buts,

Mrs. Worthington,

NUTS,

Mrs. Worthington,

Don't put your daughter on the stage.