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There was a time when you put your hand on the small of my back I was surprised that you touched me like that But there in your hand was a current of life I could hardly stand I stayed still, and I didn’t mention it, or if I did, I made some kind of joke of it It was strange how I could feel so sane, so plain when you’re around And unbidden to me, there it rose, the fantasy, colored rose and easy yeah, I could see it so simple, unsubtle impossible, clearly And strange, far and as close as the mountain range on the horizon driving all day There I was so sane so plain after everything

Gas came down from a buck twenty the joke was how it broke the economy anyhow The dollar was down, but my friends opened businesses there were new children And again, I didn’t get married I wasn’t close to my family and my dad was raising a child in Nairobi she was three now, he told me Gas stations I laughed in, I noticed fucking everything: the light, the reflections, different languages, your expressions We would fall down laughing, effervescent, and all over nothing, all over nothing Just as though it was a joke, my whole life through, all of the pain and the sorrow I knew, all of the tears that had fallen from my eyes I can’t say why We walked in the park under the shade, I avoided your eyes I was ashamed of my own mind, no SSRIs, my day as dark as your night

Oh, you got the kindest of eyes, I cannot help but notice sometimes, but you know as do I, I cannot look twice without falling right into the sweet and tender line between something that can and can never be And just then an ambulance passed on the street, and you took my arm reflexively

That was the year I was thirty That was the year you were thirty-one That was the year we lost, or we won

That was the year I was thirty That was the year you were thirty one That was that year now here, now here, is another one