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Some people are scared of goblins and ghosts
They shriek at a raven perched on a post
Oh no they cry. It's a spooky black cat
But there are so many things far more frightening than that

Like when I asked a woman I hadn't seen in a while
How long she'd been pregnant, and there went her smile
Turns out she'd just gained weight. I'm so sorry, I said
And when that memory fills me with horror and dread

I do the cringe Ugggh
I do the cringe Ooooh

HEATHER, PAULA, AND VALENCIA
More than a twinge

CASTLEMAN
The thought leaves me aghast
Because nothing is as scary as what lurks in your past

VALENCIA
Banshees and ghouls can give a good fright

PAULA
But that's not what keeps me up at night

HEATHER
I think about that time in bed with my ex
When I chuckled at his penis during sex

CASTLEMAN, REBECCA, PAULA, AND VALENCIA
She does the cringe

HEATHER
It was a full-blown laugh

CASTLEMAN, REBECCA, PAULA, AND VALENCIA
She does the cringe

HEATHER
It looked like a cute little puppet

CASTLEMAN, REBECCA, PAULA, AND VALENCIA
She does the cringe

HEATHER
He went soft and cried

MR. TRAPANI
And that was the night their relationship died

GARY
I told a date I lost my wallet so she would pay

SUSAN
I hooked up with the bassist of Sugar Ray

CHRISTOPHER
I got an angel tattoo on my upper thigh

TARA
I gave my mother's eulogy completely high

DEVON
See, everyone has sins they want to wash away

BENJAMIN
I came up with the town motto: Live. Work. Play.

ALL
We do the cringe

BENJAMIN
It was not my best work

ALL
We do the cringe

BENJAMIN
In fairness, I was also high

ALL
We do the cringe

CASTLEMAN
Regret can be a blast
But nothing is as funky as what lurks in your past
Cringe dance

dance break

ALL
Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Aaaaah

REBECCA
We all have skeletons

CASTLEMAN
Real and metaphorically

CHRISTOPHER
Wait, aren't you the guy who murdered me

REBECCA
What

CASTLEMAN
Nothing The cringe

ALL
Cringe