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I'm the neon rat hiding in the palm trees
Watching midwestern tourists guzzle giant martinis

We were part time lovers on prime time TV
Her name was Esmerelda, the smart but sexy type
A young housewife, in Hawaiian mansion alright...

Crystal beaches on TV
Perfume dumped into sea
Bleached smile shaved bikini
Every thing you want but will never be
Her husband was a CEO
She spent her nights all alone
You fall in love with her misery
She's like a tan version of you with plastic surgery

Enter the sophisticated brute, with VIP attitude
He the recurring character you love to hate, the back door boy

Now I'm the neon rat with a mouth full of grinning sharp dentures
Sleeping in a married woman's bedcover's, a televised affair with million dollar commercials

Yeah this is the 1-hour holiday special
Where Esmerelda's husband comes home from work and walks in on the two of us in the shower
He breaks down in tears on the bathroom floor
Close up on his face frowning like a slit open throat

Then cut to a commercial

Crystal Beaches on TV
Sunset on the digital sea
Shaved smiled bleached bikini
Paradise's legs are spread just out of reach
Those tears streaming down your face
Are dollar signs for the marketing team
Will she leave her bland husband
You just have to wait till the start of next season
You'll just have to go back to your job selling lingerie at the shopping mall
Those diets that never work, those blind dates with fucking jerks
Crystal Beaches on TV
Crystal Beaches you'll never see
Crystal Beaches got you hooked
And I'm the neon rat inside your pocketbook