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Don’t you ever stop talkin’?
Don’t you ever shut up?
Endless, aimless avine squawkin’
Hasn’t everybody had about enough?

Don’t you ever stop talkin’?
Doesn’t your jaw get tired?
Must be some way of blockin’ it
Somebody stuff a sock in it
Maybe later we can have it wired

Did your daddy not have time
To listen to you whine?
Did your best friend get the best part
In the school play every year?

Were your lips taped shut by mama
Or some other Freudian trauma?
Bet it couldn’t beat the suffering
That you’re doling out here

I hope I don’t upset you
I know how that’ll get you
You’d ask your friends
They’d say “No way!
We don’t see how
Somebody could say

You never stop talking”
And then they’d never shut up
So please go right ahead talking
And talking, and talking
And don’t let this solo interrupt

Did you bounce back from a coma
Singing songs from “Oklahoma”?
Were you born without a tongue
And surgeons splices one in somehow?

Through rigorous self-betterment
Did you squelch a speech impediment?
Oh baby, what we wouldn’t give
To have it back right now

I hope I don’t offend
It’s not what I intend
Please understand
That all these jokes
Are based on
Hypothetical folks

Who never stop talking
No, they never shut up
But once, when they were out walking
And talking, and talking
The earth split open and
Swallowed them up
Split wide open and
Swallowed them up

And everybody sang “Hooray!”
And it was peaceful and quiet
For the rest of the day